Goodbye 2009

This would be the closing for 2009 entries.

I admit that 2009 has left lot of fun, misery, challenge, yet sweet things to me.

Despite having two heartbroken history in 2009, I am glad I could overcome those problems very well..well I guess so.

So now I'm welcoming 2010 and am eager to know what adventures, challenges, sadness, happiness it is to bring...I guess the best is yet to come.

May 2010 be a way better than 2009...

A story about two strangers

Dear hope, trust and wonder...

I've just finished watching Adam when I wrote this entry...

Okay, to be honest...I feel like crying right now because Adam is such a touching meaningful lovely love story. Adam first lost his father and then his job. Later on, a lawyer asks him to move to somewhere else in addition that he has no money to pay the house mortgage. Luckily he has a friend who is there to help him, gave him motivation when he felt down after losing his job. Adam is a brilliant child despite that he is having a retarding development. And the movie has got a lot of messages in it...it depends on us to interpret each message it brought.

I would love to live with someone like Adam, even if he has this Asperger's syndrome that makes him different from the entire society...but it's honesty that makes him special. Honesty is a very important aspect in a relationship. Adam is so honest, he speaks out what his feeling is despite that thing might hurt someone's feeling. But sometimes things that hurt might be lessons to us.

Liar, is one big thing that we all seem to hate despite that we being one. Yes, we all hate liars but sometimes maybe we have to know "to separate between just plain liars and liars worth loving". Well, that's what being advised by Harlan.

But occasionally, we just dunno how to express our feeling. Adam never told he loves Beth except when he heard Beth's phone call with her mum, then only he said it. But is it necessary to tell someone that we love him/her? Is it necessary for us to hear that someone says I love you to us then only we can know his/her feeling? Human's mind reading ability is very limited and sometimes it's good to be straight. I didn't really get how the movie end but I was curious on why Beth didn't go with Adam to California after all the difficulties that Adam had to go through to say why he wanted Beth to go with him. Adam said he needs Beth but Beth just simply said she couldn't go with him. And that is the point that makes me upset the most. I wish for a better ending, the one that doesn't make me cry...But that's the fact of live. Not everything goes like we want, right?

But most of all, I like the beginning where Beth as the narrator talks about her favourite children book which tells a story of a little prince who came to earth from a distant asteroid. He meets a pilot whose plane has crashed in a desert. The little prince teaches the pilot many things but mainly about love. When she was a kid, her father always told her that she was like the little prince but after she met Adam, she realised she was a pilot all along. If the movie is to be translated directly, we see that Beth has taught a lot of things to Adam but as to Beth, Adam was the one who has taught her a lot of things. In our lives, we bump into a lot of different kind of people who teaches a lot of things. Yeah, life is mainly all about lesson. And we would never end up from learning lessons.

So why don't you just write story about raccoons? They don't belong here but...here they are.

You Know The Rule

I am so damn happy today.. Not because of some hot guy or good news about my results.. but it is because my new movie achievement... in less than a week, I've done with about 10 movies.. Phewww, I just want some more..i couldn't stop myself now from searching for another good movie...haha This entry is written right after indulging myself in "10 Things I Hate About You" and "Bring It On: All Or Nothing". Love it.. and I even discover a rule..quoted from 10 Things I Hate About You.. NO DATING UNTIL YOU GRADUATE haha...love the rule...am so agree with it. Even if mum and dad put up with something like that rule, I guess I have no problem with that. Gosh, am I not normal? I am normal but I somehow don't have the I-want-to-have-a-date right now.To be frank, I have an attitude where if someone happens to tell me he/she loves me, I would feel a sudden disgust and the feeling dislike come out of nowhere. This is true, I've just figured it out after two or three incidents. I just can't help it. Sometimes I tried to love them who loved me but... Hm maybe I am still not into this matter. So, if mum and dad turn out to make a bit change to the rule just like in the film, "Sweetheart, you can date...but only if your sister has one" Yipppeeee....it's a yippee not because my sister has one... But it is because my sister is of a type that has no real interest in guys (for this moment and yeah, she's straight) and that means it would be a long time before I can have a date. Haha...I totally like the rules, whether it's the old one or the new one.

Hm sounds interesting to have such a rule in life. Gonna write it on paper and put it up in my locker so as to put in mind I am to obey that rule. Hiya, wanna tell my sister about it. She must have like it...geez

Haha..guess it's time for me to have a total focus on this upcoming final semester. I am sure not going to let all my efforts wasted just like that. This time, for a very first time, I am going to aim higher than I think I can. I don't wanna be pessimist anymore but instead very very very optimist about my future. How do I like it? Is this what we call resolution? or maybe something like revolution? haha whatever it is, I am sure not to commit another mistake just like what I did in my seems-like-hell 3rd semester that had just waved farewell a few weeks ago. Hm now I think like jotting down a new resolution. Later maybe...

Bring it on dude (and my sis is sure gonna ask "who did you call dude")

Gotta pen off now...daaa

p/s: i like the quotes from Jesse in the movie "I could probably show you better then I could tell you"..haha

Yeehaa..movie time

Dear hope, trust and wonder,

Recently I've watched a lot of movies...but mainly of romantic comedy genre since it doesn't involve heavy conflicts, not too tense, can watch it repeatedly without feeling bored and yeah it's romantic afterall...geez

Here is the list

27 dresses

Bride Wars

Ella Enchanted

Coraline

Cinderella Story

Confessions of A Teenage Drama Queen

Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs

He's Just Not That Into You

Monster House

and now I'm looking forward to watching...

10 Things I Hate About You

Mean Girls

A Wedding Date

Just My Luck

Bring It On: All Or Nothing

Alice In Wonderland

Ballet Shoes

and lots more I guess...hmm

watching English movie somehow is one way for me to improve my English..

and to learn about their culture plus with handsome guys as appetizer..geez

and in other way, one of destress techniques

that's why I love holiday..it's movie time..

okie dokie..time to continue with movie...

next station...phobia 2...

My faith needs repair

Dear hope,trust and wonder

I guess Satan has done a good job by making me forget about The One

Satan makes me forget about the fate that has be destined by God

Satan makes me forget to turn to God every time i feel like losing my faith..

every time i feel down

Satan makes me too preoccupied thinking about human's love...and somehow forget about His love

I only remember God when I've got something that is so valuable, meaningful to me...something that makes me happy

But when something that is sad happens, I try to question God without realizing my actual position...

When in fact, He knows better than I do... and Allah sure has a better plan for me

It's just that I didn't realize it...

So now that I'm back to reality, I guess I have to work more on strengthening my faith, my belief

so that if the same thing happens i future,I will be better prepared

and will always remember that Allah will always be by my side

and Allah's is the only thing that I need..plus with Prophet's love

Mum's Dad's Sis's......

other than that, that's just part of Satan's game

and I don't want to play game anymore...

Allah...guide me in this journey of life

that sure has a lot of challenges and difficulties

give me the strength that I need

for I want always to live in the light of Islam...

Koko Ni Iru Yo

Dear hope, trust and wonder

I've just bump into a japanese song that i found symbolize most of the teen's love life

so i feel like posting the meaning of the lyrics here

I'm by your side

*Baby boy, I'll be here waiting for you, I'm not going no where

You know dat I love you, and that's why it's all good, you ain't gotta worry

My feelings won't change no matter how far you are away

You feel what I'm tryin' to say?

I'll be waiting for you (waiting for you)

I'm all out of whack (awkward) cuz you are far away

You left and I didn't get to tell you how I felt

So now, all I'm left with is (pictures of) you in a photo album

These days the only way we meet up is online, but I can't see your smile

I can't get enough of your warmth, the smell of your hair

so as the days went by, I did nothing but search for traces of you

I walked down the road that we walked together all the time, but now I could only hear my footsteps

But, how have you been since you went your own way? Are you eating right?

Damn, I knew I couldn't say it

Maybe I'll just send it to you in a letter next time

*repeat

I saw you on the sandy beaches in Kamakura and the words I wanted to say to you were swallowed up in the waves

I really don't know why this is so hard, though I'm a man... the words won't come out

Do you remember? When we went to karaoke,

I really wanted to tell you how I felt as the words to the song

floated across the monitor

That day when I was alone with you for the first time

We were happy, like we were meeting by mere chance

Your smile was unforgettable

I've said quite alot, but you understand what I'm sayin' right? I wanna say the words

Shit, I ran out of room to write

Sorry, I'll definitely tell you next time

*repeat

If I had more money and if I had a more respectable job,

If I could sacrifice everything, I'd definitely do it for you...

But please, don't get me wrong, I wasn't trying to make you feel lonely

While I was busy, we couldn't talk much

But baby believe, I'm doing this all for our future

But truth is, I wanna see you right now and hold you close

You used to sit in the seat next to me, now it's empty

Well, these are not exactly the things I wanted to say to you

I know it's a little late, but I'll put the words I've wanted to say the whole time and send my Unsent Letter

Baby girl, I'm by your side, I'm not going no where

You know dat I love you, and that's why it's all good, you ain't gotta worry

My feelings won't change no matter how far you are away

You feel what I'm tryin' to say?

I'll be waiting for you (waiting for you)

Baby boy, I'm by your side, I'm not going no where

You know dat I love you, and that's why it's all good, you ain't gotta worry

My feelings won't change no matter how far you are away

And now I'm not afraid to say it

I don't eva wanna let you go

My wonderful dream

Dear hope,trust and wonder,

last night i had such a wonderful dream...

i went for outing with my handsome heartthrob...kim rae won

in my dream, he confessed to me that he loves me

and brought me to town and bought me a gift...a cute handphone

after an exciting day going out with him, we headed back to his home where i found that his mum is really lovely

and i had a warm welcome from her

she even told me that kim is her most beloved son and she hope that he would feel happy with me

but the dream got a sad end though...kim had to leave for somewhere else

he got a work to do

so we had to be apart

i cried and asked him what should i do if i miss him so much that i couldn't bear it anymore...

and he suddenly took the handphone that he gave me and made a bit change to the phone...

and slowly he told me "if you miss me, all you have to do is press the left soft key and i will come straight to you"

when i tried to do so, his phone eventually rang...then only i knew..it was to ring him but without having to enter his number...

was that what we call miracle?

does miracle always happen in love? and life?

when will mine happen?

how long shall i be waiting?

one day? or two weeks? or maybe another five years?

i don't know..

i don't have the answer

when i try to recall the dream...i feel like crying...

why?

because i wonder whoever does kim rae won resemble in my life...

does the guy ever exist?

will him confess to me the way kim did?

will he take me somewhere to brighten up my heart and my day?

but of all the questions...the most wondered is when............?

Love is the best and most beautiful thing in the world

cannot be seen or even touched

they must be felt with heart

Helen Keller

Moshi moshi

Dear diary,

I've been thinking for a long time before I made this decision to scribble on you.

I used to talk to myself about a few matters and I think it would be great if i could keep a record of what are the things that i've been preoccupied along my journey to be a grown-up.

I may not be a good writer but I'll try to be as sincere as I can.

Current thoughts...

I've just got back from a hospital accompanying my dear dad doing his research on his new invention...nah not so new..

for few days I stayed with dad, I've been treated like a princess..

From the early morning when I opened my eyes, I could see a cup of hot coffee already made for me..

That was the most delicious coffee ever in my life..

Not because it was a branded coffee (in fact it's just a coffee of unknown brand)..but it was because my dad made it for me full of love and cares...

We arrived at the hospital one hour and a half earlier than the actual time for the research..so that we could get parking and something for breakfast...and all I need to do was just sit and wait for Dad to come with two half-boiled eggs and toasted breads...

All these things made me touched and a sudden thought came across my mind

"God, I wanna have soul mate just like Dad"

Even at my age, I still wonder whether I've found mine or yet he's to be discovered few years later...

I see a lot of my friends already have theirs...unlike me who is still waiting hopelessly for mine to come...but when?

When I was left alone in the hotel room, I watched a drama revolving around a guy who involve in polygamy. In that drama, he no longer loves his second wives who happen to be his first love. And the one who suffers is the second wife. Another thought came across my mind which made my eyes filled with tears once again.

"Why is it always guys who can make the decision and why we

women have to suffer from the decision being made?"

I'm not blaming anyone...but I'm trying to find the answer...for I'm now suffering from the decisions that were made by two guys..two guys that happened to have a special place in my heart...nah that I'll reveal more later.

Am I all alone in this journey...or will I meet a friend in the middle of it?

This world, after all our science and sciences, is still a miracle; wonderful, inscrutable, magical and more, to whosoever will think of it.

Thomas Carlyle