I am 22 and I am still writing

The road that I have taken to write my first proper story is yet to be ended. Almost reaching the climax when I had no choice but to put it on a halt first since I went for a vacation in Sheffield. And it has been a month since then which explains why I have lost the momentum and urge to write. Now that the exam is over, I am being bombarded with Uni works and project. Sometimes, I wish I could go to a countryside and while having a cup of coffee by the greenery, I would have an idea of how to continue the story and make it end nicely. But the current weather condition cut off the imagination halfway. It's cold here...and snowy which I like except for the part where I have to brace myself for waking up in the morning to find the weather is so cold and the sun is yet to come out and shine.

Anyway, today is my birthday. 18 January 2013 marks the date I turn to 22. Such a nice number yet it means a lot to me. I wish I would be better than before. I wish I will have stronger faith in Allah. I wish Allah will make me closer to him. I wish I will have more interest in making myself becoming closer to Allah. I wish Allah will grant me more patience which I really need as I grow older. 22 years of living in this world and am still counting how many more years will I be able to live. Around what age will I die? Will I die early? Will I even be able to experience working and giving half of my income to my parents? Will I be able to see my sisters getting married and have kids? Will I be able to build my own family? How much knowledge will I be able to grab before the time comes? All these endless questions popped out in my mind when I am writing this post. And again, I have just realised that I am 22 and is yet to find the other half of myself. I am so curious to know who he is but at the same time hope that he's been doing well and is waiting patiently for me too. Sometimes, I just happen to think what if he's not in this world anymore. Then it means I'm not going to get married forever. 

Anyway, back to the story. I wish I would be able to finish the story this academic year and I wish to publish  an only copy of a proper paperback. I will then keep it to myself as a memento of me growing up. :)

Poison

Poison is a title track from The Seeya's mini album Love U. Really love the melody and the song itself. I also think the group has a potential of making big name as all four of them has a good vocal especially my bias Yeon Kyung who has such a deep melodious voice. While the version where Lee Haeri of Davichi is featured is good, I personally prefer the version without Lee Haeri. One reason is because of the originality. Another reason is because of some changes to the chorus which sounds more melancholic to me.

Hangeul Lyrics:

어찌보면 너무 당연해 내 가슴이 이렇게 아픈게
비만에 걸린 내 사랑은 늘 받기만을 원했던
미안해 미안해 미안해요
정말로 그댈 사랑하는 것은 안돼요

서로의 엇갈린 말들만 오고가
양보란건 없어 쉽게 쉽게 쉽게 넘어갈
문제를 쌓아놓고 싸우다 서로가 지친다 다친다
그리고 닫는다 맘을 닫는다
그런 너에게 일찍 가지못했던 나도
기다림없이 그냥 가버린 너도
쿨하게 헤어진다는 생각은 마
이별이란건 더럽게 아프니깐

아프니까 자꾸 더 생각나니까
죽을만큼 아파도 사랑하니까
독약처럼 점점 모든걸 빼앗아가는
죽어가는 내 맘을 알까요
어떡해야 어떡해야
어떡해 나 더이상 못살 것 같아
바람처럼 잠시 왔다갔다 다시 가는
사라져가는 나의 사랑아 내 사랑아

어찌보면 너무 당연해 내 가슴이 이렇게 아픈게
마법에 걸린 우린 독약을 너무 많이 마셨잖아
어떡해 어떡해 어떡해야
그대는 아파하는 내 맘을 또 알까요

아프니까 자꾸 더 생각나니까
죽을만큼 아파도 사랑하니까
독약처럼 점점 모든걸 빼앗아가는
죽어가는 내 맘을 알까요
어떡해야 어떡해야
어떡해 나 더 이상 못살 것같아
바람처럼 잠시 왔다 갔다 다시 가는
사라져가는 나의 사랑아 내 사랑아

넌 마치 끝없는 깊은 물속 같애
그런 너에게 빠져 난 이미 죽은 것 같애
쓰나미처럼 앗아가 휩쓸고 가
우리가 남긴 발자국마다 파도가 지웠나
오직 그대 하나만을 내 심장에 기록
너와 이별은 난 망한다는 절대 이론
쿨하게 헤어진다는 생각은 마
이별이란건 더럽게 아프니깐

어떡해야 어떡해야
어떡해 난 더 이상 못살 것 같아
바람처럼 잠시 왔다가 또 다시 가는
사라져가는 나의 사랑아

English Translation

If you look at it somehow, it’s so obvious
That my heart hurts this much
My love was obese and only wanted to receive
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry
Really loving you cannot happen

Only our different words are going and coming

Without compromise, problems that can be easily solved

Are being built up and we fight and get tired and hurt

And it closes, the heart is closing

For me, who didn’t go earlier to you

For you, who didn’t wait and just left

Don’t think that we can break up coolly

Because breakups are damn painful

Because it hurts, because I keep thinking about you more

Because I love you though it hurts to death

Like poison, it gradually takes away everything

And my heart is dying – do you know?

What to do, I wonder if I can forget you

I don’t think I can live anymore

Like wind, it comes and goes and goes and disappears

My love, my love

If you look at it somehow, it’s so obvious

That my heart hurts this much

We were under a spell and we drank too much poison

What to do, what to do, what to do?

How can I show you that my heart is hurting?

Because it hurts, because I keep thinking about you more

Because I love you though it hurts to death

Like poison, it gradually takes away everything

And my heart is dying – do you know?

What to do, I wonder if I can forget you

I don’t think I can live anymore

Like wind, it comes and goes and goes and disappears

My love, my love

You’re like an endless and deep water

It seems like I fell into you and already died

I am snatched and swept away like a tsunami

Did each of our footsteps get erased by the waves?

My heart only records you alone

Breaking up with you means that I can’t ever forget, that’s my theory

Don’t think that we can break up coolly

Because breakups are damn painful

What to do, what to do, what to do?

I don’t think I can live anymore

Like wind, it comes and goes and goes and disappears

My love, my love