Happens for a reason

As Ibn al-Qayyim rahimahu Allah (may Allah have mercy on him) said, “When Allah tests you, it is never to destroy you. Whenever He removes something from your possession, it is only to empty your hands for an even better gift.”

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about what I have done during my years in secondary school. To me, it was a very big mistake. A big mistake that has made me regretting it so much. I had been slacking so much during that awful years. I spent time doing sinful unnecessary thing until Allah showed me "it's" true colour. From then on, I have tried my best to avoid it and I managed to avoid it for like 3 years (until now) until recently it had tried to come back to me. I was so scared I made the same mistake as I have been trying seeking my better self since I was in college. And I did my best to give it many reasons pointing out how determined I am not to repeat the same mistake. Since it was really hard trying to urge it to back off, I tried sharing an article about the sin I made. Unexpectedly, it questioned about the laws and played around with the laws as if trying to point my mistakes. And I felt like it's trying to stop me from changing to be a better person. Oh only God knows my feeling when I read what was written in the message. I could only continually made istighfar. At that time, I totally felt ashamed of myself because it was me who started that mistake. But I totally had repented and I hope Allah will accept my repentance. I felt like crying my whole heart out but no one can hear my crying. I take that as a test for me...a test to see if I really wouldn't go back to the old path. And now I have realised, why I received so much objections when I tried to be closed to it during secondary school. It's mainly because Allah knows it's not good for me...and even my friends all know it's really bad for myself. I wish I had listened to my friends earlier. I feel so much peaceful now that I had thrown it away from my life. And now the only thing I can hope is for Allah's forgiveness. "Please ya Allah, guide me to Siratal Mustaqim, the straight path, The way of those on whom you have bestowed your grace, not the way of those who have earned your anger, nor of those who have lost their way and are astray." And to all those out there whom I might have hurt for a slightest moment, please forgive me sincerely, especially mum dad and my sisters. I am so sorry that I have disappointed all of you because of it. I am sorry...