The Invisible Girl: 39.5

A song that I can't get off of my mind. A song that I think describe well about first love (첫사랑) and unrequited love (짝사랑) or better known as one-sided love. Surely, a person who has never succeeded in loving someone might have this kind of thought of "why can't I love or be loved?". Though this song is not the answer to that thought, it actually voices out the thought. This song is a soundtrack to MBC drama "May Queen" which I think described the character Park Chang Hee very well. Of all the messages that are portrayed by the drama, I am only interested in two of them. First message is first love always doesn't end happily. Second message is love after marriage is much better and stronger than love before marriage. These are what I got by observing the character Park Chang Hee and In Hwa.

The reason is simple: In Hwa fell in love with Chang Hee because she said finally she could have someone who loves her. Even though she found out that Chang Hee was just using her to get revenge to her father, In Hwa still loves him unconditionally, believe in him and be faithful to him. Which when compared to Hae Joo, is nothing much the same. Hae Joo, despite loving Chang Hee for 15 years, she couldn't really understand Chang Hee well. Chang Hee, on the other hand, realised how bad he was to have used In Hwa for revenge purpose and the sympathy he had within himself grew into love when he let In Hwa go so that she could live well on her own.

This remind me of an advice that a pair of old couple gave once which is "The most important thing in marriage is sympathy because with sympathy we won't have heart to hurt our spouse." Though I am not 100% sure about the truth of this fact, I can say I'm almost 100% agreed with it since I have always wondered "can love really last even after both of us aged"? So i thought sympathy does play a role in making the love last long.

Anyway, back to the song. I believe the title is 39.5 as it is referring to the body temperature when someone is having a fever (not sure if that is quite a high fever or just a mild fever). When you're lovesick, you don't have much appetite, you find it's hard to sleep, you even find it's hard to live a day without thinking of the person whom you can't even reach your hand out to. And that, is similar like having a fever with no medicine to cure...

왜 난 사랑하나도 못하는 걸까
처음에 본 것처럼 늘 서툴기만 해
Why can’t I even be in love?
I’m always clumsy like it’s my first time
(늘 - always)
(서투르다 - to be clumsy)

흔한 사랑 이별한 번 한 것 뿐인데
몇 날 며칠을 앓아 꼼짝을 못하고 있어
It’s just a common love and breakup
But I am sick for days and I can’t do anything
(흔한 - common)
(뿐 - just/only)
(앓다 - suffer(from) / be sick (with))
(꼼짝못하다 - be quite helpless / be (get) stuck with)
(몇 날 며칠 - days and days)

왜 이렇게 버려야 할게 많은 건지
그대 내게 남겨준 게 너무 많아서

Why are there so many things to throw away?
There are so many things you’ve given to me
(버리다 - throw away, throw out, dump)
(남기다 - to leave )
(남겨준 ~ leaving (adj.) )

열이 납니다. 아파서 죽을 듯이
어떤 약을 먹어도
잘 듣지 않네요.

I have a fever, as if I will die from being sick
No matter what medicine I take, it doesn’t help
(열이 나다 - down with fever)
(듯 (이) - as if, as though, like, as....as, as)
( 약 - medicine / drugs)
( 잘 듣다 - work / have an effect / be effective)

아픈 것도 내 맘이니깐
그냥 기다리고 있겠습니다.

But because being sick is my own prerogative (referring to my own heart)
I will just be waiting
(맘 = 마음 - mind, heart)
왜 난 이별하나도 못하는 걸까
익숙했던 기억도 다 지워야만 돼

Why can’t I even say goodbye?
I need to erase all the familiarized memories
(익숙하다 -be familiar (to), be used (to), be experienced (in))
(지우다 - wipe, erase)
사랑했던 시간만큼 이별하나 봐
니 걱정 니 생각만 하고 사니깐

I guess you go through a break up as much as you loved someone
Because I only live with worries and thoughts about you
(사니까 - (sth) that (smn) live for)
왜 이렇게 버려야 할게 많은 건지
그대 내게 남겨준 게 너무 많아서

Why are there so many things to throw away?
There are so many things you’ve given to me

열이 납니다 아파서 죽을 듯이
어떤 약을 먹어도 잘 듣지 않네요

I have a fever, as if I will die from being sick
No matter what medicine I take, it doesn’t help

아픈 것도 내 맘이니깐
그냥 기다리고 있겠습니다

But because being sick is my own prerogative
I will just be waiting

그대 원하는 만큼 아프고 원망했어요
많이 사랑한 만큼 후회와 미련만 남아서

I have hurt and been in despair as much as I want you
Because regret and lingering attachments remain as much as I loved you
(원하다 - want, wish, hope, long (for/to do))
(원망 - resentment, blame, resent)
(후회 - regret)
(미련이 남아 있다 - be attached, lingering affection (love) )
(남다 - remain, last, stay, linger)
알고 있어요.그대만 떠나간걸
그냥 사랑하니깐 나 아픈 거니깐

I know that only you have left
Just because I still love you, because I’m hurting

내 맘이죠 내 맘이니깐
그냥 기다리고 있겠습니다.

It’s my prerogative, it’s my prerogative
So I will just be waiting

열이 납니다 아파서 죽을 듯이
어떤 약을 먹어도
잘 듣지 않네요

I have a fever, as if I will die from being sick
No matter what medicine I take,
it doesn’t help

아픈 것도 내 맘이니깐
그냥 기다리고 있겠습니다.

But because being sick is my own prerogative
I will just be waiting

그냥 아픈대로 살아갑니다.
I will just live as I am sick
( 살아가다 - live, make a living)

P/S: I included the translation to some of the root words as I have been learning Korean vocabulary through songs and dramas. The translation can be trusted since I referred to Naver Korean-English dictionary and not just a google translate :)