Passion for Purple

"Human is the only creation that concerns with the past"

                                                                              [Heroes Season 2]

I came across that quotes in Heroes Season 2 though I can't really remember which episode is that, to be specific. Well I guess that is kinda true. Because as far as I am concern, I do. And I haven't really met someone who doesn't. Anyway, this entry is written not for me to reminisce the past neither to discuss about that topic in depth. It's just that I feel like writing and to be honest, I have always liked writing in English since I was in Form 1 until I got enrolled into Mara College and somehow that passion of mine has been buried deep inside myself until I don't really know when. 

I should have express my gratitude to J.K Rowling because, as far as I can remember, she was one of the reasons that I fell in love with English. Started reading Harry Potter in Form 1. Borrowed from a friend. Can't quite remember who. It was Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban that got me attracted to the series, but not really the film, though. I figured that the plot in the film is not much similar with the one in the books. 

I could have been labelled as those die-hard-fans of Harry Potter as I even made a book for me to list out all the spells ever mentioned in the series. Not to mention the candies, the teachers, the sport houses and even the subjects available at Hogwarts. Can't really blame me. 12-year-old was really an imagination age for me. Well at least I think it did keep me away from those harmful creatures. best not to specify what those harmful creatures are. 

Form 2 was when I decided to write an English story on my own, working alongside my friend. We had this one book where we each wrote a chapter based on our imagination and took turn to keep it whenever we have something to write. But sadly to announce that it was not completed. We both just figured out that it was hard to determine the ending. Apparently, that was the first and last book I have ever written. 

I guess when I stopped writing stories that I started to have my interest turn to guys. Erm not really guyssss but you know what I mean. I no longer went wild with my imagination but instead started to have real life problems. Urgh life in High School was so PROBLEMATIC, so HECTIC, so FRANTIC, so CHAOTIC yet not EXOTIC at all. I have been wondering how did I ever survive those 4 years there, less one year since I have been keeping low in Form 1. 

Err..okay I think the quote above somehow reflects myself. 

And I stumble upon this interesting quote from Heroes Season 2 as well:

"High School does not work like that, Dad. You lay low and you get noticed more than anyone."

                                                                                                           [Claire Bennet] 

I thought I have tried my best to lay low all the while in High School but somehow..yeah somehow...I ended up being someone who caused all the problems in school. How I wish I could have undone my wrongdoings. But I guess there's no turning back, is there?

Argh pardon me with my lengthy writings. I am always like this. I have just done watching Heroes Season 2 hence I have this urge feeling of writing, speaking, and listening in English. I think if my sister is around I would have blurted everything out. Like finding a topic and discussed with her in English. 

And her English is awesome, man. She went everywhere in the UK and people would ask her, "Did you do your High School here? Because your English is perfect." Yeah that's why she has been my inspiration all along. And that little sister of mine, yeah the one that is yet to come to the UK, her English is not much different from my elder sister. People have been asking if she has ever gone to school in the UK. Well, that makes me the black sheep of the family.

I should have chosen to be a writer so that I would not have suppressed this "ability" of mine. Because now I find it is really hard to nurture it again. I even feel like I am Jack of all trade but masters at none. I have been learning English, Arabic, Korean and Japanese yet I master at none. It is kinda depressing, to be honest. Well, maybe it's just that my language skills aren't that particularly remarkable.

"My particular skills aren't really that remarkable"

                                                                                 [Noah Bennet]

Oh I forgot to mention that I went for shopping yesterday at the brand new Westfield in Stratford City. It is towards the East of London. Brand new because it was my first time going there. Haha..though I can't find where the Olympic Park is. Shame on me. Went there to de-stress though I admit that I came back feeling stress again since I saw that my allowance left enough for feeding me for less than a month. That..I will figure out what to do later.

Back to the shopping story, when I came back, I realised that 3 out of 4 clothes that I bought were in purple. Guess I couldn't hide my passion for purple. Well how else can I explain why this blog and the font colour chosen is in purple. And my bed sheet is in purple..my laundry basket...my Nike bag...My River Island cardigan...My Dorothy Perkins heels. Too many purples in my life and analysis showed that people who have passion for purple get jealous really quickly. Guess that's me.

Enough of making a list of the purples I have in my life. Let's see what I caught yesterday. I got a purple sheer blouse from Dorothy Perkins for $21, two cardigans, one in cappucino and another in lilac, a lighter shades of purple each cost me around $10. Another thing I bought was a maxi dress with abstract pattern. That, I think, is in aubergine. Oh bytheway, please read the currency in pound as I don't have the pound sterling symbol on my keyboard. 

I really really really really truly hope I can bring my sisters there one day. Just to have another "Sisters' Day Out". And have fun :) Well I guess I have run out of idea on what more to write. Am hungry..gonna have dinner. Looking forward to writing a new entry soon.

P/S: I really wish I can find my diary that I used to write on during High School. Well I wanna dispose it as soon as possible before someone else found it. Urgh, what should I do?

Heroes..

Dear NBC...

Please continue to produce more Heroes series. Why did you stop on such an amazing show like Heroes but instead produce more other nonsense series? Though Heroes revolves around the world that is far beyond the reality but as far as I'm concern, there are so many values that I have learnt from it. Not to mention the effort I give to write down all those particular quotes hence helping me with my English. Please NBC grant my wish. I really wanna see Peter Petrelli and his honorable and moving acts again (well other than his charming amazing absorb-people's-powers power).

PS: Oh I do admit that I feel awkward seeing Claire and Peter hugging each other when I know that they were not in good term outside film location. What a shame that they no longer date since I really am a fan of those two, as in, in Heroes. 

Sincerely,

Heroes-Die-Hard-Fan

Miss her

I miss my sweetie pie so much...I miss kissing her cheek everyday...I miss patting her head...I miss waking her up from sleep in the morning...I miss her waking me up from my afternoon nap...I miss the moment we sat together on the piano bench...teaching her to play a piece...I miss teaching her anything she wants to know...and stared at her if she got the answer wrong...I miss the moment we prayed together...shopped together...played together...watched movies together...and everything together...

I wish I could be there right beside her helping her with every challenge she faces...I wish I could make the world  a lot easier for her...I wish I could be in her life for every second we have...capturing the moment of her growing up...

Oh I miss her a lot...:'(

Spring Holiday

The spring term has just ended, yet I don't feel excited or thrilled at all. For the whole day today, when everyone was so looking forward for the holiday, I lost in my own thought...though I don't know very well what has been in my mind lately. 

Tomorrow is going to be a very busy day for me. Two appointments in one day and need to do some cooking as well. Will be travelling from one end of London to the other end by tube. Am so looking forward and I hope the journey to Walthamstow Central won't be too crowded. I would definitely love to have a rather peaceful journey on my own to give me a space to play with my own thoughts. To understand what has been going on lately.

5 weeks of holiday yet there are about 11 to 12 subjects need to be revised. Studying has been hard lately...yet people still say that my course is nothing. Yet they still say it's the same as other courses. Here in our department, we don't get a study week at all. What even more, right after the exam finishes, there will be a WetLab session. 

Life here has been really hard for me...yet I don't get to see myself improve in anything...I'm just getting lost and lost again day by day...I wish I could get to a place where I can scream to my heart's content....

I feel suffocated...it's too stuffy here :(

Rintihan

Dalam kesunyian mengembara di bumi Allah yang agak asing bagi diri ini, hati ini merintih lagi minta dibimbing...Ya Allah aku yakin pasti ada hikmah di sebalik takdir ini...:'(

Thought of the Day

There is a profound hadith of the Prophet (peace be upon him), which if practiced and truly believed in, can adorn our lives with blessings and many successes. 

It states: 

“There is nothing that you leave out of God-consciousness except that Allah will compensate you with something better” (Ahmad). 

We all long for acceptance and relationships that quell our loneliness and make us feel needed and loved. Perhaps if we devote our lives to increasing our love for Allah and gaining His love in return, He will bless us with halaal relationships that will be the greatest source of happiness, love, loyalty and compassion in this life and the better one to come.

[Suhaib Webb's Author : He's Like A Brother]

Kasihani Ayah

Ujian yang datang bertubi-tubi.....buatkan diri ni rasa nak menangis.....Ya Allah berilah kemenangan pada pihak kami...kasihani ayahku Ya Allah..dari dulu sampai sekarang ayahku diuji dengan orang yang dengki kepadanya...Ya Allah, sesungguhnya Engkau lebih mengetahui siapa di pihak yang benar..maka dengan itu Ya Allah, permudahkanlah segala urusan ayahku....kasihani dia Ya Allah...rahmati dia ya Allah..jadikanlah ayahku di kalangan orang yang sabar ya Allah...aku mohon padamu ya Allah..kasihani ayahku yang sangat takut untuk melewatkan solat fardhu apatah lagi meninggalkannya....ya Allah lembutkan hati para juri terhadap ayahku...hanya padaMu kami memohon...dan Engkaulah yang Maha Kuasa atas segala sesuatu...andai ini kifarah dosaku...aku redha ya Allah 

Ayah, andai satu dunia kata ayah salah...angah tetap tahu ayah benar....ayah andai angah tanya ayah maafkan orang tersebut..pasti ayah akan kata ayah maafkan...ayah angah harap angah dapat pikul ebban tu untuk ayah kalau angah mampu...ayah, angah akan belajar rajin-rajin dan cari kerja cepat-cepat supaya ayah tak payah tanggung semua benda ni lagi dah...

Two deadlines!!!

Headache..having to think of two upcoming deadlines this Friday..Major Deadlines. Or else I am the one gonna be dead. :( Project Management as well as Mass Transport. Two subjects that I have the least interest in. May Allah ease my way :) I really want to get everything done earlier so at least I can sit down with my friends on the morning before the submission to have the final proofreading session. And Friday evening will be a shopping day as well as Saturday morning I guess. 

P/S: Written in the midst of struggling to finish the write up for Burj Al-Arab. 

Teringin

Ada satu buku yang di saat ini aku teringin sangat nak baca tapi masih belum sempat memilikinya..

Kitab Fadhilat Amal

Dulu masa di kolej, senang nak dapat...sentiasa ada di musolla...bersama dengan buku Muntakhab Ahadith...tapi tak dapat baca habis. Apa yang dah dibaca pun dah lupa. Ada minta kakak dan adik carikan, tapi masih belum ditemui. Boleh diorder online, tapi memandangkan cara bayarannya melalui MayBank2u maka terbantu niat. Yelah, kalau guna visa takpa juga tapi kalau bank transfer alamat kena minta ayah la transferkan. Nantilah tanya ayah.

Sekarang ni rindu rasa nak dengar ceramah agama dalam bahasa melayu. Rindu nak timba ilmu agama secara sepenuhnya. Tapi takpe..cuti lagi seminggu...mula cuti nanti nak pergi ke rumah Kak Wani dan Kak Siha nak berusrah...nak spend masa lama sikit. Memang terasa kosong jiwa rohani tanpa pengisian ilmu agama ni. Dan aku rasa itu lah sebab "kegilaan" aku beberapa minggu selama ni. Alhamdulillah fikiran dah waras kembali. Fokus belajar pun kembali pulih. Boleh fikir pasal kahwin sedangkan diri banyak yang perlu diperbaiki dan ilmu banyak lagi perlu dituntut. Astaghfirullahal-Azim. Peringatan lah tu Allah beri untuk muhasabah kembali di mana silapnya.

Ada beli buku tentang Saladin tapi tak terbaca pun lagi. Apatah lagi buku Islam and Modern Science. Ingat nak sambung kajian sejarah Islam. Aduh bila boleh mula membaca tanpa risau perlu ulangkaji pelajaran. Cuti 5 minggu pun, naik Summer Term ada 12 paper menanti (ke 11, tak ingat pula). Ditambah dengan Mastery Exam untuk Medical Science II. Habis exam, ada WetLab Skills. Harap-harap Professor jadi nak buat kelas tambahan untuk Programming II sebelum cuti summer nanti. 

Nak kena fikir lagi sama ada nak ambil kelas Bahasa atau tak untuk subjek Humanities nanti. Mana taknya, requirement pihak uni tetapkan level 2. Bila masa pula nak catch up Bahasa Jepun sampai Level 2. Lain la kalau Bahasa Arab ke Bahasa Korea ke. Bukan nak berlagak tapi memang dua bahasa tu je la setakat ni aku dapat kuasai serba sikit. Yelah, bahasa arab memang prioriti utama dalam hidup dan Bahasa Korea pun sebab aku ada coursemate korean. Bersyukur sebab dia tak lokek ilmu. Setiap hari ada sahaja perkataan aku belajar dari dia. Malah di facebook juga, kami kerap guna Bahasa Korea. Konon-kononnya secret language kami lah. Summer nanti nak lancarkan Bahasa Korea lagi supaya tahun depan dapat berkomunikasi dengan dia dengan agak lancar. 

Memandangkan masa IB memang dah pernah belajar pasal Business Management, ingat nak teruskan lagi. Tapi kena ada dua module untuk Humanities. Kalau ambil Economics tak redundant ke dengan Business. Satu lagi saat di mana pilihan mesti dibuat. Takpe, nanti slow talk dengan kakak minta pendapat dia. 

Oh satu benda yang aku mesti ingat. Date yang dah dijanji dengan Kak Saadiah. Dia dan Aunty Zawiyah teringin nak makan Ayam Betawi lagi. Agak-agak berapa banyak perlu aku buat ya. Niat hati ingat nak masak Ayam Masak Merah juga tapi kena tengok budget ada tak nak buat dua lauk. Harap-harap dia ajak pergi rumah dia memandangkan hall aku ni tak berapa selesa untuk duduk berbual, ditambah dengan roommate yang mungkin tak pergi mana-mana cuti Spring kali ini. 

Dan itu bermakna aku perlu ke department untuk ulang kaji. Nak harapkan belajar di bilik tanpa meja study yang proper, alamat tak habis la ulangkaji nanti. Ya Allah, banyaknya benda perlu difikir dan dirancang dengan teliti. Ya Allah gerakkanlah hati rommateku untuk pergi bercuti ke tempat lain sepanjang cuti Easter. Amin

P/S: Coretan setelah selesai menyiapkan coursework berkaitan Resource Allocation in Project Management. Dan hari esok menunggu untuk aku menyiapkan Contract Strategy and Form of Organisation implemented in Burj Al-Arab Development. Siang tadi skype kakak dan adik, mereka kata aku ala-ala project manager dah. ^_^

Windflower by Jisun Feat. Alex

What I'm feeling right now...I think I don't really understand myself...the feeling comes and goes just like it want to...Sometimes it turns out to be a hatred sometimes it's a longing...If you're thinking about someone and you get a heartache..what is that feeling? You don't love that someone yet you don't really hate that someone...You want and in the same time you don't want. Been having that someone in my dream frequently recently...and I don't know why. Is it because I've been too far from my Creator that this feeling comes lingering around me? But I have try my best to be near to my Creator...5 times prayer, reciting Al-Quran, listening to Islamic talk...or maybe this is a test for me. But why does it happen when I am too busy to think about it? I've been a fool just because of this feeling that I dunno how to control....and it's almost 10 years that I have to live with this feeling....how long do I have to endure this.......? I feel ashamed of myself that I somehow have allocated a space in my heart for this kind of feeling...Forgive me, as I am really a weak servant. 

Lyrics
한번쯤 나도 그대의 마음에
피고 지는 꽃이 되길

나의 맘은 늘 그대 안에서
흩어지는 바람처럼

남겨지지 못하는 사랑이 되죠
참 외롭게 지킬 약속이 되죠
미련한 내 사랑은 그대 곁에서
가질 수도 없는 꿈을 꾸네요

내 곁에 그댄 날 원망하겠죠
결국 나를 떠나겠죠
나의 맘은 그대를 품고서
부서지는 바람처럼

간직하지 못하는 사랑이 되죠
참 아프게 삼킬 눈물이 되죠
서러운 내 사랑은 그대 안에서
나을 수도 없는 상처가 되죠

기억해요 한번도 그대 가지지 못한
내 사랑은 서럽게 시들어도
지켜줘요
서러운 내 맘 울던 자리
그대 안에 마지막 사랑이길
Your love, Your love, Your love

한번쯤은 나도 그대의 마음에
후회없이 피운 사랑이 되길
결국 아픈 눈물로 사라져가도
사랑 끝에 시든 꽃이 되주길
언젠가 우리 서로의 마음에
상처 아닌 사랑이길

Translation
At least once, I want to become
a flower that blooms in your heart
My feelings scatter inside you
like the wind

It becomes a love that never lasts
A promise that is lonely to keep
My lingering love will stay by you
and dream an unattainable dream

I guess you will resent me while by my side
and eventually leave me
My feelings will embrace you
and like the scattering wind
become a love that cannot be kept.
It becomes tears that are difficult to swallow
This lamenting love of mine inside you
Will becomes a wound that will never heal

Remember this sorrowful love of mine
that never had you and simply withered away
Please guard the spot in your heart
where I mournfully cried

That it would be the last love in your heart
Your love your love, your love

Just once I want to become a love
that blooms without regrets in your heart
Even if love fades away in painful tears
at least it would be a withering flower
That we will be a love in each other’s hearts
that does not leave a wound

Credits: http://yeeun2grace.wordpress.com