Saturday, January 30, 2010

I wish....



Recently, I feel so worried and upset
This is due to the conditional offer from university that I've just received
Only one...MEng in Chemical Engineering in Manchester...
This choice is actually my fourth choice after Imperial, Sheffield and Birmingham...
Because the three universities I've applied are for MEng in Biomedical Engineering...

One of my friend already received conditional offer to further studies in Sheffield
But I haven't got my reply yet
Is my destiny to be at Manchester doing Chem Eng?
Oh God...If that is my destiny, I would just accept it gratefully...
But I still wish to go to Imperial or Sheffield...
I don't wanna be apart from my elder sister anymore
I can't bear crying again whenever we are to be apart
Please God...test me in other fields but not in my education
Please God, show me where I best belong to...

Again... I am hoping, trusting and wondering

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart


Why don't we know how to be grateful for every goodness present in front of us?
Why can't we love those who love us?
Me too...i never know how to appreciate anyone who is there for me
but instead looking for someone else to be beside
People who love me treat me nicely but how did I repay them?
I make them disappointed...

One is always there no matter what happens...even we had gone through few arguments, he always pretends that there's nothing happens
He calls me princess,
He treats me nicely,
He makes me calm when the one I loved left me,
He makes me feel so special and appreciated,
He wished me before my birthday, on my birthday and after my birthday
and makes me feel like everyday is my birthday
He has been there since I was in form 2
and his smile is the most special thing about him

The sweetest thing about him is that he is now struggling with his studies because he said he wanna be with me in UK...and he even said he wanna be there to send me off to board my plane to UK
I am not sure if he's gonna make it but deep down in my heart, I said maybe I should accept him one day if he could make it as I wanna make him feel his efforts are worthy

And there are few others that have just appear in my life...but have not yet been very significant in my life

Maybe it is best to be just friends...because we all never knows what is to happen in future.
Maybe now we can easily say that we can be faithful to the one we love
Maybe now we can say that we trust the long-distance-relationship
Maybe now we can say that the one we love is very special to us

But when the time that someone else appears in our lives arrives
All the words
All the promises
All the sweet talks
All the hopes
We gave once
Will become dust
And blown away
Just like that

How far can we hold to our heart?
How hard can we try to be faithful?
How long can we love "the special one"?
How strong can our hearts be to resist outsiders?

Ask that question to ourselves
And let our hearts answer it
Don't let ourselves drown in the fake love thing
Search carefully if we need to
Never let our heart being broken again for the second time
Always turn to God to help guiding us in our journey searching for the one
And always remember only God's love is eternal

"So tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart?
Well, you could try sleeping on my bed
Anybody could've told you right from the start
It's about to fall apart
So rather than to hold on to a broken dream
Or to just hold on to love
I'll make it without you"

Monday, January 18, 2010

I'm 19 already


I am so happy today because it's my birthday
Luckily nothing ruin my birthday so far...
except that the guy doesn't wish me at all...quite sad about that
nah never mind
Last night, my new friend gave me a slice of his cake as his birthday is on the day before mine
He even gave me 1 big candle and 9 small candles to signify my age...sweet isn't it?

Then, at 12 o'clock Liyana and Nazi arrived at my room knocking at the door yelling "who ordered the pizza?"...
Liyana came with two presents in her hand...one was from her and another was from a guy friend of mine...surprisingly both were in purple gift box/bag.


Eventhough the others didn't have present for me, they sang a birthday song for me repeatedly making me felt touched and damn happy...
Even my roommate had sang me birthday song before the clock strike at 12...
This is probably the best birhtday ever after the one I had when I was in standard six and form 4... (I still keep the bear that he gave me...but hidden from my view)

In the evening, my friends (peaceful club) and I went for a walk around the college. It was their request that we went for the walk. Little did I knew that they had planned a surprise small party for me until I saw a banner written on it "Happy Birthday Dalila". They are so sweet and made me feel touched until today. They had actually make me feel hard to say goodbye to them one day remembering that we are going to fly off to different countries to pursue our dreams. It maybe the last time I can celebrate my birthday together with them but it was the most memorable friendship moment.









Friday, January 15, 2010

Hoping for Favor and Blessing


Dear hope, trust and wonder...
It has been a while since I last posted in you..
I have got a very tight and hectic schedule as I am now in my final semester...striving to make my dream comes true
Now that I'm home for weekend and aided with superb fast internet connection speed, I am able to write this entry..

Haha...know what I heard an amazing fact from the conversation of dad and his friend..
Research from geneticists shows that our children are 20% more intelligent than us...
but that extra intelligence is not something for us to be boast about to the elders...
because there is an existence of what we call as law of equality...

We have to bear in mind that no matter how clever we are, it is still gift from God
and never forget to be grateful to God...
even when we pray every night and fast every day...the ibadah we did was just enough as to be grateful to 2 gifts..
so how should we show grateful to every gift that Allah gives us?

Every time I want to do something, I train myself to get used to focus my intention to search for Allah's favor...
If I manage to perform my Subuh prayer, I express my gratefulness to Allah
If I manage to perform full 5 prayers per day, I do the same...
If I get better results, I say Alhamdulillah
If I manage to wake up at night to perform Tahajjud and Hajat, I feel grateful
If I manage to not lost my temper for the day, I feel much much grateful to Allah
Every time when I walk out from my room in the morning, I would remind myself to recite "bismillahi tawakkaltu 'alallah la haula wala quwwata illa billahil 'aliyil 'azim"
Every time I start my lesson, I ask for Allah to give me better understanding

And He gives you of all that you ask Him; and if you count Allah's favors, you will not be able to number them; most surely man is very unjust, very ungrateful.
- Noble Qur'an (14:34)

But I made a mistake when Allah try to test on me...I questioned it...

I am not a very bright student but I can say that I am quite satisfied with my achievements....
Qanaat..satisfied yet work hard to achieve better...
Yes I agree that I got a better result compared to some of my friends...
But I don't really feel happy...why?
Because I didn't celebrate the success together with them...
I feel anxious whether I had really help them and could give a better help so that we could achieve success together....
I am not happy if I am far much better than them...because it shows that I am selfish
Besides, my lovely elder sister teach me that in terms of learning, we learn not to compete with other friends but instead, with we ourselves...
I don't want to succeed alone... I don't want to smile and laugh alone...I want to share every moment with them..
because they are the one who stick with me when I am sad..when I cry...so I want them to fill the enjoyment of success with me...

Oh God, please help us in our journey and give your blessing to us...Amin


Friday, January 8, 2010

Break My Fall



I've just received my third semester results..and it is very very very disappointing...very discouraging...even though it has been expected but somehow I still hoped for miracle to happen...
but somehow miracle didn't happen this time after it had been part of my life before this...
Here is the pattern of my results for the past three exams

Physics: 6 - 6 - 5
Chemistry: 7 - 7 - 6
Maths: 4 - 5 - 5
BMS: 5 - 6 - 6
malay: 7 - 6 - 6
English: 5 - 6 - 6

Everything seems to drop....no improvement...no advancement...it is such a big regret I must say..total points this time is only 34...i feel bad to make my parents, sisters and teachers disappointed...sorry..just because of one guy, I hurt many people...
but...luckily I experienced the fall during my third sem...what if I never wake up from my comfortable yet distracting dream? surely I would end up with something like this for my final IB exam...and if that does happen, there's no more time for me to make any amendment to myself....

On the other hand, the fall makes me realise my mistakes or faults...
Here is the result from my reflection:
- I've been lacking of night pray
- I've been lacking of memorizing Surah
- I seldom turned to Allah when I was down
- I didn't do my weekly revision for new things I've learnt in class
- I was overconfident..yet felt very comfortable

So, I need a change now...to bring back myself to the right path...
I hope everyone around me would help me and be a reminder to me..
hope so...
and now I am eager to start all over again....
so that I won't be pretty much sucks as my parent's investment
got to give them good news later...
pray for me diary...

Sunday, January 3, 2010

So Into These

Dear hope, trust and wonder..

This entry is nothing much important nor meaningful...
just wanna share some songs that I recently love...
One of them is Again by Natasha Bedingfield, one of my favourite artists..

hands over my head thinking what else could go wrong .

would have stayed in bed, how can the day be so lost

never believed that things happen for a reason.
but how this turned out removed all my doughts so believeeee
that for you I'd do it all over again.
( do it all over again )
all I went through led me to you
so I'd do it all over again ... for you. for you . for you


I missed the first train stood out in the rain all daaaay.
little did I know, when I caught the next train there you were to sweep me way. guess that's what I waited for


never believed that things happen for a reason
but how this turned out removed all my doughts.
so believe that for you I'd do it all over again ( do it all over again)
all I went through it led me to you .
so I'd do it all over again.


O0o who ever thought a day gone so wrong would turn out so lovely.
yea I'm so glad I found you
even though the day went so wrong I wouldn't change a thing.
yeaaa yea o0o I'd do it yea yea yea
I'd do it all over again
do it all over, again again again
all I went through it led me to you .
so I'd do it all over again.
( I'd do it all over again )
I'd do it all over
( I'd do it all over again )
I'd do it all over
( I'd do it all over again )
I'd do it all over
( I'd do it all over again )
for you . for you .
all I went through it led me to you ( to you )
I'd do it all over ( I'd do it all over again )
whoever thought a day gone so wrong could turn out so lovely

This one is Uncontrollable from Adrienne Bailon

I'm under your spell
(Release me)
I'm losing myself
(Can't control me)
I'm captured by the way you entice me
Me, me, me

I can't even function, I feel like I'm hypnotized
Feel so energized, do I need to slow down?
(No)
'Cause right now I can't seem to find it
I kinda like the way it's flowing

It's uncontrollable and I just can't help it
When I try to leave and I'm right back at it
It's so uncontrollable and I just can't hide it
When I try to leave it keeps on pushing me, uncontrollable

It's uncontrollable
It's uncontrollable

The pressure is on
(Tempting)
I feel overwhelmed
(I'm speechless)
My focus is gone by the beat of your drums
Drums, drums, drums

I can't even sleep and I can't even analyze
Why I'm so tempted by? Do I need to slow down?
(No)
'Cause right now I can't even find it
I kinda like the way it's flowing

It's uncontrollable and I just can't help it
When I try to leave and I'm right back at it
It's so uncontrollable and I just can't hide it
When I try to leave it keeps on pushing me, uncontrollable

It's uncontrollable
It's uncontrollable

The joy that it brings, it overtakes me
It fulfills my fantasies, all of my dreams
The joy that it brings, it overtakes me
It keeps on forcing me, keeps on pushing me

It's uncontrollable and I just can't help it
When I try to leave and I'm right back at it
It's so uncontrollable and I just can't hide it
When I try to leave it keeps on pushing me

It's uncontrollable and I just can't help it
When I try to leave and I'm right back at it
It's so uncontrollable and I just can't hide it
When I try to leave it keeps on pushing me, uncontrollable

It's uncontrollable
It's uncontrollable

And this one from Shontelle....Stuck With Each Other

you can - think you can get free, you think you won't need me
that you're gonna get you somethin better,
but you know that we're in this forever,
and you can - think you can walk out, even with your doubts,
but you know that we're in this together,
you can try to push me from you, nothing you do will keep us a part.

cause it's too late, there's no escape, might as well face it,
baby, we're stuck with each other (stuck with each other) - ain't nothin you can do about it,
it's been too long, it's been too strong - cause we belong here,
baby, we're stuck with each other (stuck with each other)
- stuck in love with each other (stuck in love with each other)

now i can say that i would not care, if you were not there,
tell myself that i'll be fine without ya, but i would die if i was not around ya,
and i can try to convince you i don't need to be with you,
but my only thoughts are thoughts about ya,
what can i do, love is like glue. there's no way to .. tear us a part.

cause it's too late, there's no escape, might as well face it,
baby, we're stuck with each other (stuck with each other) - ain't nothin i can do about it,
it's been too long, it's been too strong - yes, we belong here,
baby, we're stuck with each other (stuck with each other)
- stuck in love with each other (stuck in love with each other)

there's nothing i'd rather do, than to sit with you forever -
can't think of nothin better than to be stuck with you.

cause it's too late, there's no escape, might as well face it,
baby, we're stuck with each other (stuck with each other) - ain't nothin we can do about it
cause it's too late, there's no escape, might as well face it,
baby, we're stuck with each other (stuck with each other) - ain't nothin i can do about it
it's been too long, it's been too strong - yes, we belong here,
baby, we're stuck with each other (stuck with each other)
- stuck in love with each other (stuck in love with each other)

cause it's too late, there's no escape, might as well face it,
baby, we're stuck with each other (stuck with each other) - ain't nothin we can do about it
it's been too long, it's been too strong - yes, we belong here,
baby, we're stuck with each other (stuck with each other)
- stuck in love with each other (stuck in love with each other)

ain't nothin gonna stop me and you (eh)
cause you know we just stuck like glue (eh)
ain't nothin we can do, we stuck in love with each other.

Last but not least, Takes Time To Love by Trey Songz

A material girl
In her own world
Can't even see the things she's missing
Right in the curve
A little girl, wanting to grow up
And be a star
Take a look around
Stop looking down
All these things have blurred your vision
Material things don't go up to nothing

But I know how you feel
It's hard to see what's real

It takes time (time) living in a world
When you don't know who to trust
Next time (time), slow it down
And don't feel you have to rush
It'll be fine
Takes time, takes time to love

And I'm a tell the truth
When it comes to you, my lady
And it's a miracle
You have found a conscience, baby
I had a plan on leaving
You came and gave a reason
Now I know the reason why

But I know how you feel (you feel)
It's hard to see what's real
(What's real, yeah)

It takes time (time) living in a world
When you don't know who to trust
Next time (time), slow it down
And don't feel you have to rush
It'll be fine
Takes time (takes time)
Takes time (takes time) to love (love)

Well, I guess that's all for the opening entry for 2010..

p/s: I don't want to go back to college...I don't want to bump into him anymore... and I want to look at my Prince Char everyday...